Unceasingly

I kept asking for answers, asking if I had changed and was going in the wrong direction; if I had done something wrong, if there was something I needed to correct, asking every question I could think to ask, over and over, unceasingly.  I kept running over all of the events from April until now, all of the signals; what had I misread, what did I do wrong, questioning whether I had gotten it wrong in the first place; I was completely confused.  I was praying for an answer, a sign, something, anything.  Then finally, after days, I stopped talking and started listening.
With that letting go came the peace I sought.  I heard a small voice ask: "Who said it was you who changed?"
 I stopped what I was doing and listened.  All of my questioning never fell on deaf ears.  I had connected the change with guilt, sure that I must have done something wrong, somehow taken a wrong turn, everything was my fault, etc., etc., when once again, all I needed to do was to be quiet and wait for the answer.   It wasn't that I had changed that was causing me to move on.  It is normal to change.  I just don't want to be a church hopper, or perceived as one who runs when anything is wrong or worse, one who runs when things don't go their way.  It is normal to move; that is why this is called a Christian walk; walking is moving, we are moving and part of moving is movement within us.  We are changing and growing in our faith.  That reference is spiritual and not always physical.  So why did I feel the need to change my house of worship after only eight months?  I had changed, and the change was along the path where I belonged.  The church was changing also, but in a way that I couldn't agree with.  Being able to see the difference between the two made me feel like I just leapt out of a plane and landed in the next phase of my life.  I felt stronger than I ever had before.  I do, however, feel conflicted because people keep calling me and asking me if I am alright.  I want to be truthful and at the same time, I don't want to be critical.  There are so many wonderful people that I grew close to, so many giving, kind souls.  They may be growing there, but all I could see a brick wall.  This wasn't the path that I wanted. I wanted the undeniable love of God shining through my life and not busy-ness.  
So then, here lies the problem; I don't want to put God in a box; I don't believe He is waiting for me to pray just right, this way or that, so He would answer my prayers.  God knows our hearts, our dreams and our goals.  If  you believe that we have to pray a certain way, that there is a successful formula, a  ritual to get what you want then aren't we going backwards?  Prayer is not about getting what we want, it is about communicating with our great, sovereign, all powerful God.  It is the whispers and the cries of our souls, a praise offering, joy, love for our Lord, grief and sorrow, our song, our love song to a great and wonderous God.  
Yes, of course I am praying for an answer, but to His glory, not just for the prayer or the request itself.  There is a fine line but a huge difference between the two. If I am praying for rain, it is because we need the rain, the land needs the rain, we need water to drink, the reservoirs are low, the crops are dry..... we need the rain.  It isn't that I need or want an answer to my prayer because I prayed; it is because we need rain and I am asking for the blessing of rain.  My God is not in a box and is not in a circle.  God has rules and they are good rules, whether we like them or not.  The are rules that help us and keep us safe, much like the traffic laws, street lights, stop signs are rules that help to keep us safe.  But when a rule is made to for people, that rule is not good. 
Jesus said, "When you pray, pray like this" and so the "Our Father" was born.  It is an example of the elements that please God, the steps, not a ritualistic prayer; when we say those words, we say them with our heart.  It isn't about the money, or the recognition or the glory or the things or the adulation, or keeping track of the prayers...... It is because we have a loving Father who loved us first; a Father who provides our daily bread, gives us wonderful gifts.  He answers prayers and does give us blessings, but not if that thing would hurt us or cause us to do harm, or be harmful.  The Bible says that if we ask our Father for bread, would he give us stone?  No.  If a child were to pray and didn't pray in a particular fashion, a circle or a square, or whatever the popular belief is at that time, and this child's heart is sincere, would our Father honor this prayer?  I think so.  Is it so much about the prayer or the reason for the prayer?  Aren't our prayers a portal to our hearts?  What are we praying for and how are we praying?  With gratitude, forgiveness in our hearts and with faith and expectations of a good and all Powerful God, Our Father, who art in heaven.......  when we pray, we not only pray with our words but with our heart and our soul as well.  This is between the prayer and God; it is not a public prayer and not competitive prayer, a boasting prayer, a repetitive prayer, but a prayer from the heart of your heart.  Do we pray in public? Yes, we do not hide our prayers, we praise God in public, for all to hear, we can pray in public, but not out of pride, to lift ourselves up, but to lift up the goodness of God.  We can petition our God according to His will, as Elijah prayed he prayed for fire in public, but for rain in private, a prayer of faith.  
I pray to my almighty God, my Father in heaven.  I pray to praise Him,  I pray to the Creator, the Almighty one, my Healer, El Shaddai, Yahweh-rapha, Yahweh-nissi, all powerful, omnipotent, the Great I Am, the One whose will I seek to follow. 


The following is from Global Scope Ministries, one of my devotionals, and an important reminder: 

Mark 11:25-26, " And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (KJV)

Unforgiveness will hinder or block the healing power of the Holy Spirit. It will bind you up and separate you from God's forgiving and healing power. It is vital to release those feelings that you have against others, so that the Holy Spirit's healing and forgiving power can heal and restore your soul. As we can see, unforgiveness will block God's forgiveness from operating in our own lives. Inner healing requires God's forgiveness.

God Bless you all. 
Tania White ✞ 
(Global Scope Ministries)

There are certain things God listens to, things that please Him; adoration, a grateful heart, a contrite heart, piety, forgiveness, healing, protection, blessings, and that all makes sense.  Prayer cannot be contrived, cannot be manipulative, not to an all might God.  After all, look who we are talking about!  Jehovah, El Roi, El Shaddai.  We will not fool the Almighty Creator, He sees all we are and all we do, even out of the corner of His eye, no matter where He is in the universe, more so, no matter where we are in the universe.  He knows our hearts, he knows our thoughts, He knew we were going to do that before we did it and forgives us when we come to Him.  So why are we to confess our shortcomings to Him, our mistakes?  For our own sake.  It is how we learn about ourselves, our weaknesses, our strengths, but more importantly, about our God and who He is, His strengths, His love and forgiveness.  We learn about His help.  

Today I received an eye opening jolt; something that I have been struggling with for a long time and today the answer came in way of a devotional message.

"The saying " God doesn't give us more than we can handle" is not biblical.The truth is we are often given more than we can take. God wants us to come to him for everything.We would not need to go to Him if we could do everything on our own.So no need to say God must really think we are strong because this is too hard for anyone to go through.
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
The scripture 1 Corinthians 10:13 highlights that God will not allow a Christian to be tempted beyond what he can bear, but it does not say that he is the source of the temptation or trial. James 1:13 says, "When under trial, let no one say: "I am being tried by God." For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone."
So God does not bring problems on us. He is not the source of the trials we may face, but he does allow us to be tried, and as the scriptures explain, he will help us, if we rely on him. Jennifer ~ Global Scope Ministries" I am going to push my prayers in front of the LORD and watch them melt like wax.  

I never knew that.  I have heard " God doesn't give us more than we can handle" said from the pulpit, I have heard it said on Christian radio, I have heard it in songs by Christian artists and I have struggled with it for a very long time.  I could not understand why, if God doesn't give us more than we can handle, then why couldn't I handle some things?  Was I too weak, a sinner, not good enough for God's love and forgiveness? And why then can we go to Him with prayers?  What I mean to say is, do we go with some things and handle others ourselves?  We either believe or we don't believe; we don't 'kind of' believe.  We believe and rely on Him. " I can do all things through Christ" Philippians 4:13.  Then shouldn't we pray?  And when we pray shouldn't we just talk to God?  Joyce Meyers posted that when we talk to God, we should talk to Him about Himself first.  I can't fall for the 'pray and get' ideology or the 'pray and go' ideology.  God is so much more than that.  God only has good for us and not evil: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Psalm 97:5 "The mountains melt like wax before the LORD, before the Lord of all the earth."  

I am going to push my prayers in front of the LORD and watch them melt like wax.  


And so, we each are on our own journey, and we are to grow until we reach the end.  I may fall from time to time, but I know who is there to catch me when I fall.  He does not condemn me, nor does His beloved son, my savior Jesus.  If I were to stay home all of the time, and never venture out, my chances of doing anything wrong would greatly decrease.  But if I am always going out and doing things, trying new adventures, my chances of growth would greatly increase as well as my chance of having a failure.  But what good am I to anyone on this earth if I don't try, if I don't move, if I don't get out of the chair and run?  I can't win the race by sitting alone in my room.  The idea of a walk with God embodies movement.  Now I feel like I am moving, not going back and forth in the same path.  


 I reserve the right to move in another direction.  I know this is the right direction, because I cannot wait to  wake in the morning and start the day; I can't wait to go to church on Sunday.   I do not criticize and will not judge, but I do know that people are more important than things, that keeping your word in a timely manner in regard to people is more important than meeting a deadline for a paint job or any renovation.  Those dates can be moved.  But when a person's expectations have been left out in the cold, when they have been disappointed by silence, when they are told they should dress casually so that when a someone new enters the church the newcomer will not be uncomfortable, I have to question the platform.  What are we portraying?  Why am I acting like something I am not?  Who am I choosing to be?  And why would a leader choose to control people?  One person's beliefs should not negate another person's rights and freedoms.  Enough said, I could go on and maybe I should.  I just find it so strange that after everything is going along so well, and I am growing so much in this church's atmosphere that I would feel so uncomfortable and cautionary.  I follow God, Jesus and the Word He put in the Bible; I do not revere man, only Christ Jesus.  I look to Him.  I know there has to be a reason for this change.  I also know I am very comfortable with the change, especially after someone came to me after the service.... recognized me from the other church.....something I had asked God for, that I would feel welcome, like I really belonged, to have someone look me in the eye and welcome me, something I had missed as a child but means so much to me today.  That was at Christmas service and ever since, I have felt a welcoming.  But even more so, I know this is right because I can praise and sing ... and sing.