Eva Rose

It has only been 2 months since you left us.  I know that you are happy in heaven but the loss hangs so heavy on my heart.  The day you left seems like an eternity and yet at times it seems like only yesterday.  I am sorry you are gone.  I am not sorry that you are no longer in pain.  I am sorry for your mother who misses you so. I cannot even imagine her pain.  You grew inside of her, clung to her, looked to her, laughed with her, brought your hurts to her.  She lived and breathed you, built her life around you, thought of her future through your eyes.  Janelle loved you so, and had plans for you.  She wondered in her heart where you could go.  Recently she started to wonder aloud, too.  She was looking into schools for your future, even though you were only 3, she looked forward, forward to a life with you.  Your mom set up the house around your needs, set her life around your needs, scheduled her comings and goings around you.  And, no, she didn't mind.  She considered it an honor to be your mother.  But you know all of this, how much she loved you, how much she understood you, the delight she took in your milestones.  And now, how much she misses you.
 I do too!  I wanted to see you at Christmas.  I wanted to shop for you, buy you things, run out to the ice cream truck with you and watch you make your choice, just like I did with your mother.  I wanted to spoil you, hold you, laugh with you, hug you, applaud your heroic giant steps into your life, sing to you, play with you, read to you, watch you grow into a young woman.  Oh, but I wanted to see you be all that you could be.  But, what if all you could be was the angel who taught us to love, reminded us of the value of unconditional love; what if that is who you are and now you are the angel you were born to be, but now not on earth, you smile down from heaven.
Who am I to question, who am I to try to know, who am I to try to stop you, who am I to rage against a Sovereign God's wisdom, who am I to be angry and selfish, who am I to grieve.... when you are in His hands.  Who am I to question who He is and His wisdom.  Who am I but just someone who loves you and misses you so.  I rejoice in the time we had together and I am so thankful to your mother for sharing time with me, letting me get to know you.  What a gift she shared with me.  I will always be grateful to Janelle for  her generosity and insights.  I cherish every memory and every moment we had together.  I love you today as I did when you were here.  I pray that your mother finds the comfort and peace she needs and knows that she has done everything that there ever could be done for you and lifts her head up to the heavens to receive the blessings from God that are hers.  Shine on, my little star.  Angel unawares. Dance, tiny dancer, dance on.